I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
