ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
