She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
