why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
