Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
