You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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