do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
