I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
