"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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