I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
