i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Randomize