if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
