Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
