mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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