Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
