he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize