Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We need to get me chipped asap
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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