I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
