The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize