if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
