I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
