I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
