The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
