Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
