its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
