I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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