Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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