Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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