He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
