U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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