Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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