if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize