He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
