Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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