Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
