omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
