There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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