i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
