oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
