I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
