It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
