i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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