Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
