I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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