just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
