She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
