dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
FUCK WHALES
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
