You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize