i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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