Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
