the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
