Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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