I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
