Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
you never un-have a 4some
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
