so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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