First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
