There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
