Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
