No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize