i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
