tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She tied me up with her honor cords...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
