i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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