he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
