When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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