just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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