guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
