I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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