Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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