tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
