FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
