i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
