saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
